Tammy Lyn Carbol

Well...I have had both a craptastic, and sometimes good, last few months.  The biggest thing affecting my life was the sudden passing of my father in May.  It has hit both myself and my twin sister hard and I struggle daily to move forward.  I know dad would have wanted that and would be pissed if he knew how bummed it makes me sometimes, and for the most part, I'm pretty good.  I still just have moments where I think of him or see his picture and my eyes well up - but then I try to suck it up and move on.  The first week after it happened I was a hot mess.

Grandpa and David

 

I have done no writing since his death. None. I just....can't.  I know it will come back and I think (and hope) it does when I attend When Words Collide August 8, 9 and 10th... http://www.whenwordscollide.org/program.php I'm even listed in the program now as I will be a panelist on the "Writing Hot" panel (I believe that's what they are calling it).  I am still looking forward to it as it will be my first writer conference - but trying to get my sparkle back...yay know?

 

I've known many people who have died.  Death sucks. A parent's death, however, I'm finding especially horrific.  I am thankful I have my husband and son to keep me busy and sane - I think if I didn't have them I would curl up into a little ball and cry.

 

Not to bore you with this posting, but I'm finding it cathartic to write about it - perhaps putting it INTO a storyline would help me get through it.  That is a thought I have considered. <sigh> ugh. 

 

Not sure how to put it into a storyline that would fit MY normal genre of writing, so perhaps I will have to step outside my comfort zone for awhile and put pen to paper, and just give 'er.

 

Might just be what I need to help the hurt, and move forward more quickly than I currently seem to be. 

 

One thing my husband did that touched me more than words ever could, was I came home from being out with my sister, and he had placed the iron dragon my father specially-ordered for my 40th birthday into the front garden of our home.  He even secured it so it couldn't be stolen. (my sister also got a specially-ordered iron sculpture of an eagle sitting on top of the world with his wings spread - it's beautiful).  Every time I come home and see it, I smile and think of Dad.  He and I talked a lot about the dragon and bird because he had spent a long time deciding which ones to get us because he wanted our 40th birthday prezzies to be special.  Well done Dad, well done. 

 

I love you. I miss you.  You will always be with me.